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I slowly drift back into my wakeful sleep, not wanting to miss a fallen tear, sometimes moving
more of myself over him or stroking his back and hair, needing to have constant contact.
5:02pm
Jay still hasn't moved. I've become worried; it doesn't seem like someone should be able to sleep
this long. He hasn't had anything to eat or drink, not even waking to use the bathroom. His breathing is
shallow and I constantly place my hand on his back to feel the rise and fall, confirming to myself that
he's alive.
I asked Vault if he could be in a coma because it doesn't seem natural, but he assured me that he's
only recuperating from two decades of exhaustion.
The man that I love is hurting and all I can do is lay with him.
I've never felt more helpless.
Chapter 26
Friday, March 28
7:53pm
Jay finally woke up early yesterday morning, but he might as well still be sleeping. He's laid on
his back the whole time, vacantly staring at the ceiling or going back to sleep, wrapping his entire
body around me, refusing to let me go when he does.
He hasn't spoken a single word or acknowledged that he hears when I speak, only eating because
I force him to, only using the bathroom because I remind him that he needs to. I've brushed his teeth
and given him a warm sponge bath. I even went as far as putting his hand under my shirt to cup my
bare breast, but that didn't get a response. I even tried stroking him, but that didn't spur anything either.
I was successful in getting him to go back to his place, the journey taking much longer than it
should have because he rested most of his weight against me, taking slow, tedious steps.
I pull back to take his face in my hands, searching his eyes, hoping to find answers. He stares
back at me, but the vacancy I see sends chills down my spine.
What do I do? How do I help him?
Fat, long tears plop down my face, one at a time. He doesn't even make a move to stop them.
He hates my tears. I don't think this man even sees them.
I kiss him.
It's the only thing I can think of.
I kiss him from deep down in my soul and pour it all out into him, sending him all the love I have
inside me. My hands caress and roam, showing comfort and everlasting love.
His mouth goes through the motions but he's not there with me, responding how he normally does.
Jay's lost right now and I wish I knew how to get him back. For now I can only take care of him
and wait for him to come back to me.
Chapter 27
Sunday, March 30
9:18am
Something nuzzles under my ear and I naturally mold back into it.
Morning, baby, a gravelly voice rasps in my ear, hand trailing under my shirt, up my stomach.
I go stiff.
I haven't heard his voice in five days. I slowly turn around, and the minute I make contact with his
beautiful blue irises that are glowing with life and vitality, I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and
weep into it.
You're back, I sniffle into his skin.
His lips kiss along the side of my face, making sure not a part of it goes untouched, I needed to
check out for a while.
I know, baby, I sob into his neck, I know.
He tucks me into his arms and squeezes me closer to him.
Are you going to be all right now?
He squeezes me even harder, I think I am.
Can you tell me what happened?
One day, but not now. He kisses my hair, I will though, when I'm ready to.
It's over, Jay. You're free, I sputter into his neck, my silent tears racking my body.
I get no response, but feel his shuddering that mirrors my own, convulsing so hard from his
violent tears that I wish he would cry out loud to further release his agony.
I hold him closer, my chest getting soaked in tears, his downpour showing no signs of stopping.
10:49am
Jay's face has been planted in the curve of my neck for the past ten minutes, making noises only a
person who has been heavily crying can make while they try to calm down, his hands clutching me,
afraid I will leave him. The more I reassure him I'm not going anywhere, the more intently he holds
tight, curling more of me under him.
I kiss each scar on his face, at a complete loss for how to help this broken man.
You can't ever leave me, his voice pleads in an almost shattered way.
I want to comfort him. I want to soothe away his worry and torment and what ever demons are
still cast deep inside, but I haven't a clue how or what to say to save him. I can only hold him tighter
to me. He has me scared right now; this isn't Jay. This isn't the strong, brave, overpowering man I
know.
I whisper the only words that come to mind into his ear, Take me, Jay. Bind me to you. Make me
yours.
He lets out a low, deep growl from the back of his throat. His lips urgently kiss along my
shoulder and neck, careful to avoid my bandage, biting and sucking, more forceful than he ever has,
almost to the point of painful.
His fingers loop around the waist of my pants and sweep them off along with his, at such a speed
that I barely feel them leave and drop to the floor. My shirt goes just as fast.
His body presses down on me, dominating it, giving it no choice but to trust in him, and I do. This
is what he needs, and if ever there was a person who wouldn't hurt me, it's Jay.
He pushes himself inside me, working himself in and out like a man possessed. His teeth bite into
the flesh of my neck, grunting and panting as he continues his motions.
I'll admit, I'm not sure how to handle him right now. This isn't making love, it isn't fucking, I'm
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